(Part 7–Missing Memories…)
(From the Beginning)
My sin was beginning to become so clear to me.
I felt totally unqualified.
Instead of feeling victimized,
I carried incredible shame and fear.
Instead of allowing myself to again be vulnerable,
I supported myself with pride.
By this time, I had wrapped myself in self-sufficiency and have-it-togetherness for so long, it was nearly impossible for me to expose my weakness.
I had spent so many years telling myself that my mom’s illness was just that
—an illness—
and had nothing to do with me…
So long believing that I wasn’t a victim,
and therefore none of the things I had experienced had any real affect on me.
How could I admit after all these years that I am so broken inside?
I could hardly believe it myself.
It would still be more than a year before I could share this with anyone
—even my husband,
my best friend.
Yet, knowing the Holy Spirit was still calling me to shine,
I slowly began to open up to
my husband…
the people within my small group…
and other women in MAP (moms with a purpose)…
I began to realize that I’m much more of an extrovert than I had ever realized.
It wasn’t the groups or the people that drained me.
It was the heavy burden of fear, shame, and pride.
I was terrified of being exposed…
