(Part 9—Emptiness…)
(From the Beginning…)
Several months ago, I bought my two-year-old a small back pack.
He was so excited.
As he put it on, he sauntered around, so proud.
Then, he turned his head
and continued in circles
like a dog chasing his tail
trying to see the backpack on his back.
I directed him to a mirror so he could look at his new treasure.
As I chuckled, I thought to myself—
that’s me…
trying to see the monkey on my back…
Realizing that until I use a Christ-mirror…
I will continue to spin around in circles…
making myself dizzy.
In another step of faith, I reached out, almost by accident, to a friend about a fear I was facing in my job
…another paralyzing fear…
I know most people in sales struggle with making phone calls…
but mine went beyond struggle…
beyond fear…
into full-fledged panic…
I would stare for what felt like hours at the phone
which weighed about a hundred pounds…
I’d pick up the receiver…
then quickly set it back down
as if it were 1000°.
Sometimes I’d work up enough courage to make some calls,
which would drain every ounce of energy
and leave me emotionally and physically exhausted.
God continued to bring people to me to keep my practice running.
But I’d still sit there, paralyzed and in complete panic.
She helped talk me through some of the emotions…
cried with me…
prayed with me…
and encouraged me to continue to pray
that God would reveal the lies that I was believing about myself…
and replace them with His truth…
